Why is it that some people would rather stay angry than forgive and forget?
I have a friend who, when he is angry with me, reminds me of my bad behavior eight years ago! He does that with another friend, too -- still judges him based on something that happened a dozen years in the past.
He simply isn’t capable of letting go of his anger -- or chooses not to -- even after all these years. He has allowed resentment to grow deep roots.
By choosing not to forgive, my friend has chosen to dwell on the past instead of enjoying the present and future. Unfortunately, he is not alone.
According to a nationwide Gallup poll, 94 percent of those surveyed said it was important to forgive, but only 48 percent said they practice what they preach. That, despite the fact that almost every world religion teaches forgiveness -- from Judaism to Christianity to Islam, Buddhism and Hinduism.
Hawaiians have a word for it -- ho’oponopono. It means “to put right.” This ancient practice of reconciliation is based on the theory that a person’s errors cause illness and the fastest path to recovery is confession and apology.
That theory holds water in modern times, too. According to the Mayo Clinic, “If you don’t practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly” in the form of stress, depression, high blood pressure, lost relationships and more.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, can lead to:
- Healthier relationships
- Greater spirituality and psychological well being
- Less stress and hostility
- Lower blood pressure
- Fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain
- Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse
Those who have studied forgiveness say that it is not only a human quality, it is common behavior among monkeys, apes and other primates.
So if monkeys can forgive than why can’t we?
Why is it so tough to overcome the raw emotions of anger? Why do we choose to relive the hurt? Why is it so hard to move past blame?
It’s your choice to be bitter or better. What will it be?
