I smile because you are my sister; I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!

My sister was in town this past weekend to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. I love her visits and there are always plenty of tears when she leaves to go back to her home -- hundreds of miles away from me. 

But it wasn’t always that way ...

One evening several years ago, when she and I were having dinner with some girlfriends, the conversation turned to family. Everyone around the table shared memories from their childhood, then at some point in the conversation someone turned to my sister and I and asked very innocently, “Were you close when you were growing up?” 

At the exact same time I answered with an emphatic, “Yes!” my sister, just as emphatically, answered, “No!”

I’ll always remember both the shock and the humor of that moment. I couldn’t have been more surprised by her reply.  

My sister is two years older than me and growing up, she was my idol. She was outgoing. I was desperately shy. She was athletic. I was a clutz. She was the trendy dresser. The great dancer. The ball of fire.

As the oldest daughter, she tested the limits of our over-protective parents. She fought tough battles for every “first” -- from shaving her legs, to wearing pantyhose, using makeup, extending curfews, dating, driving -- all the normal rights of passage from tween to teen. When I was ready to fight those same battles, my parents were already worn down. Lucky me! I admit, I had it much easier.

While I admired my sister and aspired to be just like her in most every way, she viewed me through a different lens. I was the tag-along, the “goody-two-shoes,” the pesky kid who tried to mimic everything she did. 

I suspect that when she answered “no” that night in the restaurant, she may have been thinking about all those times I simply got in the way. 

On more than one occasion, I remember chasing her around the house snapping my jaws like a frenzied shark. I was a biter in my early years and used my teeth to assert control when I could. My sister claims she still has a scar from where I once drew blood.  

As we got older, my role evolved to “third wheel” -- I was always there, like an annoying blemish that surfaces at the most inopportune times. I recall spending more than one evening at the local movie theater with my sister and her boyfriend. My parents must have known it was a sure-fire way to take the sizzle out of her first dates ... and I’m sure it did.

Fast forward to our adult years, and the picture is much prettier. We’ve helped each other through some very tough circumstances and shared the joy of many good times. Today we nurture a strong friendship, deep love and mutual respect. 

Margaret Mead once wrote that “Sisters is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship.”

I agree. I’m so thankful to have a great sister who is not only my friend, but my confidante, confessor, cheerleader, defender, protector and so much more.

Who is that person in your life and how do you feed that relationship?

This holiday season, take time to reflect on what and who is important in your life. Let the people you love know that you care. Savor your time together. Find a reason to laugh. Be generous with your hugs. 

And if you have a sister, cherish this special bond as a gift to the heart and a boost to the soul.

Don’t be that person!

When I was in high school and college I worked summers and holidays at a big department store. Depending on the year, I sold women’s clothes, men’s clothes, stationery and fine china.

My first stint in the china department during winter break, was perhaps my most stressful. I was more than a bit naive as I tried to help my first customer of the season. When she asked for a Lalique place setting, I knew I had a lot to learn.

My parents were practical people. We ate our meals from dishes purchased with S&H green stamps. Remember those? 

At the age of 16, I had yet to discover Wedgewood and Lenox china. I didn’t know the difference between Waterford crystal and cut glass. I had no idea people ate with sterling silver flatware.

I was on a steep learning curve with a not-too-patient holiday shopping crowd.  And for the most part, they were merciless. 

Why is it that during the season of giving and forgiveness, so many shoppers forget their manners? They’re impatient and pushy, and all too often downright mean.

Don’t be that person!

I was sharing my thoughts on this topic with a friend at work the other day and she offered up this quote by motivational speaker Emory Austin: 

“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.”

What great advice! 

Sometimes the stress of the holidays brings out the worst in us ... but you can regain control with a little planning and positive thinking. The Mayo Clinic offers these tips to prevent the holiday shopping blues:

• Be realistic. The holidays don’t have to be perfect.
• Stick to a budget. Know how much you can spend before you go shopping.
• Plan your shopping days ahead of time so you’re not stuck with too much last-minute running around.
• It’s okay to say “no.” Don’t overcommit your time.
• When you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a break and do something nice for yourself. 

Then consider doing something nice for the next salesperson you encounter. Start with a smile... and end with a song.

Elevator etiquette and random acts of kindness

Picture this. I’ve worked a 12-hour day, I’m loaded down like a pack mule with purse, briefcase and laptop. Fellow workers are piling into the elevator as I approach. I’m five steps away as the doors begin to close. No one makes eye contact except one woman who meets my anxious gaze but takes no action to hold open the door. I keep walking forward, but I’m too slow. The doors shut with a thump and I’m left to wait in the cold parking garage for the elevator’s return.

This scenario happens often enough that it has become one of my pet peeves at the office. Because it bugs me so much, I try to make an effort to demonstrate good elevator etiquette at all times. I wait patiently for people to approach. I smile at them when they step in the elevator. And if I’m in a really good mood, I attempt small talk.

It takes very little effort, but it’s a nice thing to do.

Today is World Kindness Day and it has me thinking about some of the nice things I do for others ... and some of the opportunities I’ve missed.

Three weeks ago I was standing in the check-out line at the grocery store. The man in front of me had just a few items in his basket -- milk, eggs and one or two other staples. He had a foreign accent and by the shabby way he was dressed, I assumed he might be struggling financially. When it was time to pay, he gave the cashier some sort of food stamp card to use and for whatever reason, the card was denied. So the man left the store empty-handed. 

I’ve been thinking about him ever since, feeling bad for not offering up my credit card to pay for his items. Unfortunately, the thought didn’t occur to me until I was driving home from the store ... with a full load of groceries in the back of my car. I missed a chance to make a small difference in someone’s life with a simple act of kindness that would have been so effortless for me.

Next time I have the chance, I hope my instincts kick into high gear faster -- with a smile, with a helping hand, or with a few dollars if I’m able. 

There are a million ways to show kindness and every time we do, it has a ripple effect.

Margaret Mead once wrote: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”

Practice kindness and pass it on!