Give yourself the gift of time with friends

“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart,” writes author Elisabeth Foley.

I have just returned from a long weekend in my hometown with five of my best friends. We grew up together, but after college, scattered across the U.S. Over the past five years we’ve attempted to plan an annual rendezvous. No easy task when you’re negotiating the family and work schedules of six career women spread from California to New York and Florida to Michigan. 

We work hard to make it happen because we’ve realized over the years that life is too short to skimp on the really important stuff -- like quality time with great friends. Each year when our weekend comes to a close, I leave inspired by these incredible women and grateful that they have been a part of my life for so many years.

I bonded with one friend in kindergarten. Three others joined our circle in fourth grade. And as we entered high school, we opened our arms to the last member of our posse. The experiences of growing up together formed a bond that has truly stood the test of time. 

It’s been 35 years since we graduated from high school and went our separate ways.  We chose colleges in different states, made new friends and once we entered the work world, led very separate lives. 

Each of us married; our children range in age from 6 to 26 years old. Each has juggled demanding jobs. One left her career to focus on family and will celebrate her 30th wedding anniversary this year. Two of us divorced. One was left a widow while still in her 40s.

We’re busy people with full lives and little free time, so it’s not unusual for weeks, and sometimes months, to go by without a phone call or a note. But when we do connect, we simply pick up where we left off. And when we need to talk, we know that someone will always be there to listen and not judge.

Our love and respect for each other has intensified over the years. There’s a deep appreciation of the ground we’ve covered -- together and apart -- and comfort in sharing life’s ups and downs with the people who know us best -- each other.

There’s no doubt these women have made my life better. That’s what friends do.

What I didn’t know until recently, but have always suspected, is that friends are not only good for the soul, they’re good for your health. According to multiple studies on the subject, the bonds of friendship help fight illness, obesity, depression, speed recovery, prolong life and slow aging. Wow! 

With the holiday season approaching, give yourself the gift of time with a friend.  It will boost your attitude and your immune system.

What are you waiting for ... pick up the phone!

Practice, practice, practice. Even happiness takes practice.

You have to do something 10,000 times before you become excellent at it.  

That fact was shared with me at a recent workshop I attended on continuous improvement. 

A couple of weeks later, the chief executive of my company sent a Fortune magazine article to all his leaders as required reading. The article was called,”What it takes to be great” and it asserted that greatness is not innate. It’s the result of deliberate practice, consistency, and a mindset to constantly improve.

“You will achieve greatness only through an enormous amount of hard work over many years,” reported Fortune’s senior editor at-large Geoffrey Colvin. He wrote that “even the most accomplished people need around 10 years of hard work before becoming world class, a pattern so well established researchers call it the 10-year rule.” 

And 10 years is a minimum, not an average!

The good news, Colvin wrote, is that we all start life with the same potential. “We can make ourselves what we will.” 

While Colvin was alluding to great business performance, his findings can be applied to just about everything -- including the way we approach life. Sometimes it takes practice to view life as a cup half full rather than half empty.

What do you practice in your daily life -- negativity or positivity? 

How much time to you devote to it?

I’ve been told it takes at least 21 days to break a bad habit or form a new one. If you need to break a cycle of negative thinking, it will take:

Awareness -- admit you have a problem.

Determination -- make a conscious effort to turn your attitude around.

Discipline -- practice makes perfect.

Patience and perseverance -- don’t give up. Keep at it!

Along this journey, be kind to yourself.  Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to climb out of. 

Think positive. Start practicing today!

Art, hoboes and perseverance

My father was an art conservator. He restored artwork for museums and private collectors. So as you might imagine, art covered every wall of my childhood home.

One painting that I always loved was by a friend of my dad’s -- an abstract artist named Ulfred Wilke -- who did a series of pieces on hobo symbols.  

Hoboes are workers who wander the countryside -- mostly by railcar -- looking for temporary, often seasonal work. While some say 20,000 people still live this lifestyle in North America (I know they’re still around because they have their own website: www.hobo.com and annual convention), I’ve read that the hobo population probably peaked in the 1930s era of the Great Depression. 

To cope with their difficult and often dangerous lives, hoboes developed a system of symbols to communicate with each other. They would write this code with chalk or coal on makeshift signs or fence posts to provide directions, information and warnings to other hoboes. Through these symbols they communicated messages such as, “barking dog,” “someone home” or “safe camp.”

Wilke’s painting, which now hangs on my wall, is an interpretation of the hobo symbol for “don’t give up.”  I love that message.  Especially coming from someone who you might think has every reason to give up ... no steady job, no place to call home, and few of the basic essentials that most of us take for granted.

Whenever I look at this painting, I imagine what would prompt a hobo to offer these words of inspiration to his or her railcar companions.  It’s also a great reminder to persevere.

The next time you’re presented with a challenge that seems too overwhelming to tackle, picture this: two circles side by side, touching, but not linked. It’s the hobo symbol for “don’t give up” and I hope it gives you the inspiration you need to keep pushing forward.

Helping others - and tracking it - can make you happier

I was thumbing through the October issue of Prevention magazine the other day and I came across an item that advised writing down all the nice things you do each day and then reviewing the list that evening.  “According to researchers, you can become happier and more grateful by paying attention to how nice you are.”

The next time you leave a generous tip, write it down!

When you hold the elevator door open for someone who’s not quite there, put it on your list!

When you bag your groceries for the overwhelmed cashier, add it to your tally.

Even these small acts of kindness can make your mood soar.

It’s all about people helping people. Right?

When I worked for an automotive company years ago, a colleague and I founded a parenting network for employees struggling to balance their work and home life.  By the time I left the company, our membership was in the hundreds and we offered a variety of programs and services.  One of the most popular was a chat room of sorts where parents could ask advice of other parents. 

I once asked the group, for example, how to get my son to sleep in his own bedroom.  He was afraid of the monsters that lurked there at night. I received many creative ideas from moms and dads who had confronted that same issue. What worked best for me was the recommendation to use “monster spray” (aka air freshener) as part of our bedtime ritual. Amazingly, a little spritz in the closet before bedtime kept the boogie man at bay! I was so grateful for that solution and it was incredibly rewarding when I could help another parent with my own advice.

Bottom line, it feels good to help other people!

Think about what you can do.

Here’s one suggestion: go to www.myLifeship.com. It’s a new website launched by one of my best friends. She had this great idea to connect people with common life experiences and concerns. Once you register on the site, you can anonymously ask advice of others, provide your own feedback on a variety of topics, and share your life lessons. 

There are many ways to demonstrate kindness. Think about what you can do, then kick it into high gear to turbocharge your happy meter.