Polar bears and pompoms

I’m not one to wear holiday themed clothing. But  I make an exception every Christmas. I don’t plan it that way ... it just happens.

I don’t take my sweater with the snowflakes and polar bears out of the closet on Christmas eve in preparation for the next morning. In fact, this year I intentionally planned to wear something else. After all, a sweater with big white pompoms on the zipper-pull just isn’t me!

But it happened again today ... when I looked in my closet the draw was too strong to ignore. It felt traitorous even considering any other option. So here I sit, for yet another year, wearing a sparkly sweater with bears donned in Santa hats and decorative wreaths. This outfit isn’t for the fashion faint of heart. I feel a bit ridiculous, yet full of yuletide cheer.

My neighbor gave me this sweater some 15 years ago and a holiday tradition was born. I think I’ve worn it every Christmas since then.

This year I also added something new to my holiday routine. I volunteered. 

My company recruited 700 employees, retirees, family members and friends to prepare and deliver nearly 6,000 meals to homebound seniors in the Detroit area.

My girlfriend and I worked at the Meals on Wheels distribution center on Friday morning and packed cartons of cold food items. About 100 of us stood shoulder to shoulder, singing an occasional Christmas carol as we placed rolls, milk, juice and fruit pies into single-serving size cardboard cartons. 

Separate hot meals were boxed this morning at 6 a.m. by another 100 volunteers, then combined with the cold packs and disbursed to eight churches and community centers in the area. By 8:30, another 500 or so volunteers had picked up their routes and care packages from these sites and started delivery to seniors eager for a  holiday dinner and kind word.

When I told one of my friends about this effort, she shared her own Meals on Wheels memory. Her daughter, now grown, served food for this organization as a service project  in middle school. As she delivered dinner to one elderly gentleman he asked, “So what are you learning about us?” to which she enthusiastically replied, “that you really like chicken lasagna!”  

A wonderful observation for a 12-year-old, but my truth was a little deeper. As I stood packing plasticware in an assembly line of bread to my left and butter to my right ... as  I scanned the packed warehouse bursting with volunteers ... as I thought of all the others who would give up their Christmas morning to help someone in need ... I was reminded that it truly is better to give than to receive. 

They say you make a living by what you get and you make a life by what you give. My small contribution to this effort was just a few hours of time. It was a simple gesture on my part, but if felt right.

Kind of like wearing a sweater with polar bears and pompoms on Christmas morning!

Acknowledge the simple pleasures

I want a promotion. I would love thick, wavy hair. I'd really like a "hot" show horse. I want more closet space!

There are a lot of things I want, but may never get ... at least not anytime soon, but I try not to dwell on them. Instead I choose to focus on some of the simple pleasures in life that make me smile.

I was thinking about that the other morning as I was taking a hot shower. I literally had to force myself to step out of the comfort of the thick steam to begin my day. I just love my morning shower!

It made me think of all the other every-day things I take for granted that bring me joy. I decided to make a list of them as a reminder to appreciate the small stuff as much as the large.

Time with family is what I value most, but I purposefully focused on the little things that brighten my day. Here are just a few of the items I jotted down:

• Indulging on dark chocolate
• Sipping oakey Chardonnay
• Sleeping late on weekends
• Watching my dogs play tug-o-war with their rope toy
• Stretching out on the couch with a new novel
• Thumbing mindlessly through women's magazines
• Watching "Glee" on TV ( yes, I'm a Gleek ... and I like "American Idol," too!)
• Planning a trip
• Talking on the phone with friends
• Gorging on pasta topped with rich, creamy sauce
• Stepping off the treadmill after a good work out
• Finding a great buy at the mall
• Thumbing through old photo albums
• Wandering bookstores

Don’t sit around waiting for “big moments” in your life to make you happy. Instead, think of all the smaller moments that make life enjoyable. 

Believe it or not, Benjamin Franklin, offered up similar advice over a century ago. He wrote: “Happiness consists more in the small conveniences of pleasures that occur every day than in great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom to a man in the course of his life.” 

What are your simple pleasures? Acknowledge and enjoy them!

Fat pants, spice jello and holiday traditions

I’m wearing my fat pants to work tomorrow. It’s Sunday morning and I’m sitting in front of my computer at home distracted by the waistband of my jeans. It feels a little too binding after a weekend of over-eating ... even with the top button undone.

Yes, I am definitely wearing my fat pants tomorrow -- the ones that are actually a size too big and fall comfortably on my hips with room to spare. Pants like these can be a woman’s best friend -- especially at this time of year.

I haven’t stopped eating since Thanksgiving! 

My binge began with turkey and sausage stuffing and I suspect it won’t end until I’ve downed my last piece of spice cake on Christmas morning. 

In my family, there are a few choice dishes served at every important occasion. Most of them are recipes from my childhood that were favorites of my mom’s and over time became traditions in our household. Now that my mom is gone, they play an even more important role in our celebrations. These days I look forward not only to the smell and flavor of these foods, but the memories of mom that they evoke.  

My mother brought her recipe for popovers from the Netherlands, where she grew up. As kids, we couldn’t get enough of them and still, today, at our dinner table they’re as coveted as gold coins. It’s a simple recipe of flour, milk and eggs that produces delicate, airy rolls with a light crust and hollow inside. Around our dinner table, they are meticulously rationed so everyone gets their fair share.

When I was growing up, each year as Christmas approached, the smell of cinnamon enveloped our house. This signaled that mom was baking batches of her holiday spice cakes. She wrapped them in foil and tied them with bows. Then we delivered them, as a family, to all the special people in our lives. We nibbled on cake Christmas morning as we opened presents and savored what was leftover for dessert that night. I adopted the same routine with my sons when they were young and spice cake is still a part of our holiday rituals.

Orange spiced peach jello is another favorite served at family celebrations.

1. Drain two cans of Harvest Spiced peaches (save the syrup). Place peaches in jello mold. 
2. Add water to syrup to make 3 cups liquid. Add 3 teaspoons white vinegar, 6 cinnamon sticks and 10 cloves. Bring to boil, then simmer for 20 minutes.
3. Strain to remove cinnamon sticks and cloves. Add 6-ounce box orange jello to liquid. Stir until  completely dissolved.
4. Pour over peaches and refrigerate until firm. 

My son called from college the other day and asked for the spice jello recipe. He made it for the first time to bring to a holiday feast with his school friends. I love the fact that he’s carrying on the tradition and sharing it with the people closest to him. 

My hope is that he’ll continue to make it for his own special occasions. 

When he does, perhaps something about the taste, the smell or the task will remind him of happy moments with me and make him smile ... in much the same way these holiday recipes conjure up wonderful memories of my mom for me.

It’s nice to know that, at least for one more generation, the legacy of spice jello lives on!    

I smile because you are my sister; I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!

My sister was in town this past weekend to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. I love her visits and there are always plenty of tears when she leaves to go back to her home -- hundreds of miles away from me. 

But it wasn’t always that way ...

One evening several years ago, when she and I were having dinner with some girlfriends, the conversation turned to family. Everyone around the table shared memories from their childhood, then at some point in the conversation someone turned to my sister and I and asked very innocently, “Were you close when you were growing up?” 

At the exact same time I answered with an emphatic, “Yes!” my sister, just as emphatically, answered, “No!”

I’ll always remember both the shock and the humor of that moment. I couldn’t have been more surprised by her reply.  

My sister is two years older than me and growing up, she was my idol. She was outgoing. I was desperately shy. She was athletic. I was a clutz. She was the trendy dresser. The great dancer. The ball of fire.

As the oldest daughter, she tested the limits of our over-protective parents. She fought tough battles for every “first” -- from shaving her legs, to wearing pantyhose, using makeup, extending curfews, dating, driving -- all the normal rights of passage from tween to teen. When I was ready to fight those same battles, my parents were already worn down. Lucky me! I admit, I had it much easier.

While I admired my sister and aspired to be just like her in most every way, she viewed me through a different lens. I was the tag-along, the “goody-two-shoes,” the pesky kid who tried to mimic everything she did. 

I suspect that when she answered “no” that night in the restaurant, she may have been thinking about all those times I simply got in the way. 

On more than one occasion, I remember chasing her around the house snapping my jaws like a frenzied shark. I was a biter in my early years and used my teeth to assert control when I could. My sister claims she still has a scar from where I once drew blood.  

As we got older, my role evolved to “third wheel” -- I was always there, like an annoying blemish that surfaces at the most inopportune times. I recall spending more than one evening at the local movie theater with my sister and her boyfriend. My parents must have known it was a sure-fire way to take the sizzle out of her first dates ... and I’m sure it did.

Fast forward to our adult years, and the picture is much prettier. We’ve helped each other through some very tough circumstances and shared the joy of many good times. Today we nurture a strong friendship, deep love and mutual respect. 

Margaret Mead once wrote that “Sisters is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship.”

I agree. I’m so thankful to have a great sister who is not only my friend, but my confidante, confessor, cheerleader, defender, protector and so much more.

Who is that person in your life and how do you feed that relationship?

This holiday season, take time to reflect on what and who is important in your life. Let the people you love know that you care. Savor your time together. Find a reason to laugh. Be generous with your hugs. 

And if you have a sister, cherish this special bond as a gift to the heart and a boost to the soul.

Don’t be that person!

When I was in high school and college I worked summers and holidays at a big department store. Depending on the year, I sold women’s clothes, men’s clothes, stationery and fine china.

My first stint in the china department during winter break, was perhaps my most stressful. I was more than a bit naive as I tried to help my first customer of the season. When she asked for a Lalique place setting, I knew I had a lot to learn.

My parents were practical people. We ate our meals from dishes purchased with S&H green stamps. Remember those? 

At the age of 16, I had yet to discover Wedgewood and Lenox china. I didn’t know the difference between Waterford crystal and cut glass. I had no idea people ate with sterling silver flatware.

I was on a steep learning curve with a not-too-patient holiday shopping crowd.  And for the most part, they were merciless. 

Why is it that during the season of giving and forgiveness, so many shoppers forget their manners? They’re impatient and pushy, and all too often downright mean.

Don’t be that person!

I was sharing my thoughts on this topic with a friend at work the other day and she offered up this quote by motivational speaker Emory Austin: 

“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.”

What great advice! 

Sometimes the stress of the holidays brings out the worst in us ... but you can regain control with a little planning and positive thinking. The Mayo Clinic offers these tips to prevent the holiday shopping blues:

• Be realistic. The holidays don’t have to be perfect.
• Stick to a budget. Know how much you can spend before you go shopping.
• Plan your shopping days ahead of time so you’re not stuck with too much last-minute running around.
• It’s okay to say “no.” Don’t overcommit your time.
• When you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a break and do something nice for yourself. 

Then consider doing something nice for the next salesperson you encounter. Start with a smile... and end with a song.

Elevator etiquette and random acts of kindness

Picture this. I’ve worked a 12-hour day, I’m loaded down like a pack mule with purse, briefcase and laptop. Fellow workers are piling into the elevator as I approach. I’m five steps away as the doors begin to close. No one makes eye contact except one woman who meets my anxious gaze but takes no action to hold open the door. I keep walking forward, but I’m too slow. The doors shut with a thump and I’m left to wait in the cold parking garage for the elevator’s return.

This scenario happens often enough that it has become one of my pet peeves at the office. Because it bugs me so much, I try to make an effort to demonstrate good elevator etiquette at all times. I wait patiently for people to approach. I smile at them when they step in the elevator. And if I’m in a really good mood, I attempt small talk.

It takes very little effort, but it’s a nice thing to do.

Today is World Kindness Day and it has me thinking about some of the nice things I do for others ... and some of the opportunities I’ve missed.

Three weeks ago I was standing in the check-out line at the grocery store. The man in front of me had just a few items in his basket -- milk, eggs and one or two other staples. He had a foreign accent and by the shabby way he was dressed, I assumed he might be struggling financially. When it was time to pay, he gave the cashier some sort of food stamp card to use and for whatever reason, the card was denied. So the man left the store empty-handed. 

I’ve been thinking about him ever since, feeling bad for not offering up my credit card to pay for his items. Unfortunately, the thought didn’t occur to me until I was driving home from the store ... with a full load of groceries in the back of my car. I missed a chance to make a small difference in someone’s life with a simple act of kindness that would have been so effortless for me.

Next time I have the chance, I hope my instincts kick into high gear faster -- with a smile, with a helping hand, or with a few dollars if I’m able. 

There are a million ways to show kindness and every time we do, it has a ripple effect.

Margaret Mead once wrote: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”

Practice kindness and pass it on!

Give yourself the gift of time with friends

“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart,” writes author Elisabeth Foley.

I have just returned from a long weekend in my hometown with five of my best friends. We grew up together, but after college, scattered across the U.S. Over the past five years we’ve attempted to plan an annual rendezvous. No easy task when you’re negotiating the family and work schedules of six career women spread from California to New York and Florida to Michigan. 

We work hard to make it happen because we’ve realized over the years that life is too short to skimp on the really important stuff -- like quality time with great friends. Each year when our weekend comes to a close, I leave inspired by these incredible women and grateful that they have been a part of my life for so many years.

I bonded with one friend in kindergarten. Three others joined our circle in fourth grade. And as we entered high school, we opened our arms to the last member of our posse. The experiences of growing up together formed a bond that has truly stood the test of time. 

It’s been 35 years since we graduated from high school and went our separate ways.  We chose colleges in different states, made new friends and once we entered the work world, led very separate lives. 

Each of us married; our children range in age from 6 to 26 years old. Each has juggled demanding jobs. One left her career to focus on family and will celebrate her 30th wedding anniversary this year. Two of us divorced. One was left a widow while still in her 40s.

We’re busy people with full lives and little free time, so it’s not unusual for weeks, and sometimes months, to go by without a phone call or a note. But when we do connect, we simply pick up where we left off. And when we need to talk, we know that someone will always be there to listen and not judge.

Our love and respect for each other has intensified over the years. There’s a deep appreciation of the ground we’ve covered -- together and apart -- and comfort in sharing life’s ups and downs with the people who know us best -- each other.

There’s no doubt these women have made my life better. That’s what friends do.

What I didn’t know until recently, but have always suspected, is that friends are not only good for the soul, they’re good for your health. According to multiple studies on the subject, the bonds of friendship help fight illness, obesity, depression, speed recovery, prolong life and slow aging. Wow! 

With the holiday season approaching, give yourself the gift of time with a friend.  It will boost your attitude and your immune system.

What are you waiting for ... pick up the phone!

Practice, practice, practice. Even happiness takes practice.

You have to do something 10,000 times before you become excellent at it.  

That fact was shared with me at a recent workshop I attended on continuous improvement. 

A couple of weeks later, the chief executive of my company sent a Fortune magazine article to all his leaders as required reading. The article was called,”What it takes to be great” and it asserted that greatness is not innate. It’s the result of deliberate practice, consistency, and a mindset to constantly improve.

“You will achieve greatness only through an enormous amount of hard work over many years,” reported Fortune’s senior editor at-large Geoffrey Colvin. He wrote that “even the most accomplished people need around 10 years of hard work before becoming world class, a pattern so well established researchers call it the 10-year rule.” 

And 10 years is a minimum, not an average!

The good news, Colvin wrote, is that we all start life with the same potential. “We can make ourselves what we will.” 

While Colvin was alluding to great business performance, his findings can be applied to just about everything -- including the way we approach life. Sometimes it takes practice to view life as a cup half full rather than half empty.

What do you practice in your daily life -- negativity or positivity? 

How much time to you devote to it?

I’ve been told it takes at least 21 days to break a bad habit or form a new one. If you need to break a cycle of negative thinking, it will take:

Awareness -- admit you have a problem.

Determination -- make a conscious effort to turn your attitude around.

Discipline -- practice makes perfect.

Patience and perseverance -- don’t give up. Keep at it!

Along this journey, be kind to yourself.  Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to climb out of. 

Think positive. Start practicing today!

Art, hoboes and perseverance

My father was an art conservator. He restored artwork for museums and private collectors. So as you might imagine, art covered every wall of my childhood home.

One painting that I always loved was by a friend of my dad’s -- an abstract artist named Ulfred Wilke -- who did a series of pieces on hobo symbols.  

Hoboes are workers who wander the countryside -- mostly by railcar -- looking for temporary, often seasonal work. While some say 20,000 people still live this lifestyle in North America (I know they’re still around because they have their own website: www.hobo.com and annual convention), I’ve read that the hobo population probably peaked in the 1930s era of the Great Depression. 

To cope with their difficult and often dangerous lives, hoboes developed a system of symbols to communicate with each other. They would write this code with chalk or coal on makeshift signs or fence posts to provide directions, information and warnings to other hoboes. Through these symbols they communicated messages such as, “barking dog,” “someone home” or “safe camp.”

Wilke’s painting, which now hangs on my wall, is an interpretation of the hobo symbol for “don’t give up.”  I love that message.  Especially coming from someone who you might think has every reason to give up ... no steady job, no place to call home, and few of the basic essentials that most of us take for granted.

Whenever I look at this painting, I imagine what would prompt a hobo to offer these words of inspiration to his or her railcar companions.  It’s also a great reminder to persevere.

The next time you’re presented with a challenge that seems too overwhelming to tackle, picture this: two circles side by side, touching, but not linked. It’s the hobo symbol for “don’t give up” and I hope it gives you the inspiration you need to keep pushing forward.

Helping others - and tracking it - can make you happier

I was thumbing through the October issue of Prevention magazine the other day and I came across an item that advised writing down all the nice things you do each day and then reviewing the list that evening.  “According to researchers, you can become happier and more grateful by paying attention to how nice you are.”

The next time you leave a generous tip, write it down!

When you hold the elevator door open for someone who’s not quite there, put it on your list!

When you bag your groceries for the overwhelmed cashier, add it to your tally.

Even these small acts of kindness can make your mood soar.

It’s all about people helping people. Right?

When I worked for an automotive company years ago, a colleague and I founded a parenting network for employees struggling to balance their work and home life.  By the time I left the company, our membership was in the hundreds and we offered a variety of programs and services.  One of the most popular was a chat room of sorts where parents could ask advice of other parents. 

I once asked the group, for example, how to get my son to sleep in his own bedroom.  He was afraid of the monsters that lurked there at night. I received many creative ideas from moms and dads who had confronted that same issue. What worked best for me was the recommendation to use “monster spray” (aka air freshener) as part of our bedtime ritual. Amazingly, a little spritz in the closet before bedtime kept the boogie man at bay! I was so grateful for that solution and it was incredibly rewarding when I could help another parent with my own advice.

Bottom line, it feels good to help other people!

Think about what you can do.

Here’s one suggestion: go to www.myLifeship.com. It’s a new website launched by one of my best friends. She had this great idea to connect people with common life experiences and concerns. Once you register on the site, you can anonymously ask advice of others, provide your own feedback on a variety of topics, and share your life lessons. 

There are many ways to demonstrate kindness. Think about what you can do, then kick it into high gear to turbocharge your happy meter.